


A mind of my own

by hands_off



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 07:53:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16342808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hands_off/pseuds/hands_off
Summary: Ash in the hospital.





	A mind of my own

 

* * *

When Ash wakes in the hospital he feels- 

Soggy. 

His brain is rushing away and he chases it down, because he can’t lose himself in the patterns on the ceiling right now. He can’t think of the exact reasons why he can’t but he knows that he can’t, screwing his eyes shut against the patterns on the wall.

His breath rushes back, startling him like a missed step and he focuses on that-

In and out, in and out. 

They’ve got him on something- that’s why he feels like this. He swears, gritting his teeth, his senses on edge. The TV is blaring three rooms down, fake laugh tracks scraping his ears.

He has to get help, because he can’t afford to be lost right now. 

He opens his eyes, turning to see where the button is. He smashes it, the red color spiraling in his sight. He turns away and tries to force his breathing, in and out, in and out.

Someone comes to the door, a doctor and he can smell their cologne, the smell of it invading him and he gags on it.

“You’ve got me on something for pain. Get it off, get it off, get it  _off-“_

There’s a rush then, a fumbling and then he’s sliding under again, blackness rising up from the ground in three dimensions to swallow him up, and he smiles into the feeling.

-

“Who thought it was a good idea to give me the good drugs?” Ash asks Charlie when he wakes again and sees the man beside him.

“Your medical chart-“

“Really? Are we really going to go there right now? I started out with everyone else you know, a fine cut of boymeat seasoned with the house special.” he swears, because he didn’t mean to say that. “they’ve still got me on something.”

“You nearly died-“

“Fucking- I can't think like this I don't want it, I don't want any of it, not the good stuff and not this watered down shit that is still poison” he hisses as he stabs at the button.

He squeezes his eyes shut, so so so very tired. 

“Where’s Eiji?” he asks, although he knows that Eiji can’t come for him right now but maybe Shorter-

He sucks in a breath because there is no  _Shorter_. 

“I hate these fucking drugs,” he whispers, turning away from Charlie. 

-

When he wakes a third time, he curls his hands into the sheets, pain thrumming with every move and he hates it.

(He loves it, knowing that his body is his own). 

 

* * *

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I kind of wanted someone to reference the fact that Ash probably isn't a stranger to drugs. They talk about the kids being kidnapped and fed them pretty regularly as 'employees' at Club Cod, and Ash just happens to be one of the chosen ones that doesn't end up dead after a few years of drugs and working. 
> 
> This isn't super researched but I do know that you can refuse pain meds (although his injury was life threatening so again, maybe not). But he was pretty with it when he has to defend himself later in the ep, so there's that to think about.


End file.
